I wonder if you were a Boy or a Girl

Baby, I still miss you at times. I used to think about you every now and then. When I see a baby about your age I always stare at them and wonder how you would have looked. You would be going to school by now. I would have been so proud to take you to school. There’s always a part of me missing you and why won’t I? You were the first baby I got pregnant with. The night I got the happy news is still fresh in my mind. It was 07.08.2006 night. I was so happy I called my mom whom I haven’t been talking to for a while. I thought of talking to everyone whom I was not talking in my family. I didn’t sleep that night. I kept caressing my tummy the whole night. But little I knew that the happiness won’t last long. You were with me for 7 days since I knew. But you have filled me with so much love that it hurt a lot when you left.

I was 7 weeks pregnant when it started bleeding one night. I was busy at work that day which I thought was the reason. So I stayed at home the next day. Again I was bleeding in the morning. I was scheduled to do a scan that afternoon. I called my sister, when she and my mom came we went to the hospital. The doctor in duty advised strict bed rest and sent me home. I was having so much pain by afternoon when I went to do the scan. That was when I knew that you were not there anymore. When the doctor said that, I wanted to scream but no voice would come out. I wanted to wake up from that nightmare but I wasn’t sleeping. .I went totally crazy. There were many sleepless nights after that. There were times when I only wanted to cry for nothing. I was so broken. I badly wanted you again.

On 29th March 2007 I and your daddy went to ADK hospital just in your memory. That was the date of my delivery given by the doctor when I first consulted. It was so painful. That whole day I was thinking of you at office. I kept thinking if you were there, today’s the day I will be holding you in my arms. But it is god’s will. I hope to meet you in heaven one day. Mummy loves you a lot.